I wrote this post with my opinions and own experiences, please remember this while reading it. I don't want to offend or attack any girls/other models. I never stopped with eating or never started throwing up.
What is being skinny lately? It's a question I think about often. And I guess I'm not the only one. When looking at social media lately the only thing you see is girls worrying about how they look like. I have to admit, I was one of those, and I've never been overweighted!
As you all know, I've been modeling since the age of 10 (I choose it for myself, not my parents!!). I started with doing some commercial jobs in my country and the older I became, the bigger my dream became to actually be an international model. Last year in July I left Belgium and went overseas for 3 months. China it was! I remember everyone telling me before I left I never should loose any weight, I was perfect just the way I was and I thought exactly the same thing. I was happy with how I looked, didn't complain about any thing and I just ate whatever I found. I could eat a whole chocolate bar without worrying about gaining weight. Things changed pretty fast in China. Because I've been modeling since I was 10 I thought I'd be strong enough already. I've heard a lot of (not always positive) comments through the years but when you get to hear every day again and again and again that you have to lose weight, you just get brainwashed. One time, when I was eating an ice cream, one of my roommates asked me why the hell I was eating an ice cream, she told me I was literally eating fat. On the jobs I always had to withdraw my belly. Every time I went to me agency, they told me I should loose weight because I didn't look good enough and I wouldn't fit the clothes. So guess what happened... I started going to the gym as much as possible, I started eating healthier but my body didn't get all the things it needed. In the meantime my agency was looking for an other contract for my next trip, but I had to loose some cm's. I was working the hell of my but, going to the gym almost every day and counting calories, the only thing I was thinking about from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed was to be skinny. It didn't matter in which way I'd get there, I just wanted to be good enough. Doesn't sound like a healthy lifestyle, right? At one point, I was even considering a coffee-chocolate diet where you only survive on drinking coffee and eating one chocolate bar a day. Lucky enough, I didn't do it. If I'd have done this, I think my metabolism wouldn't work as good anymore as it works now. At some days I was just tired of looking every day in the mirror and searching for the improvement my body made. Because of doing this, I never saw those improvements my body made so in my mind I still looked the same as the first day I arrived there.
This is a picture a few weeks before I left China:
When I got back home, I pursued the same lifestyle. In january I left my home again and went to Milan. I couldn't be more excited about this! Arriving there, the agency never complained about my body, but I still didn't feel well in my body. I didn't like looking in the mirror anymore. I never went to the gym there because I was so exhausted from walking around all day long from casting to casting. This was my cardio! Though, I did loose some weight in Milan. I became skinnier but almost not healthy skinny anymore.
After my adventure in Milan, when I got back home, my agency told me I had to loose just 1 or 2 cm's from my hips for my next trip. These few cm's means a lot in this weird world. Especially in Europe. I told them that I couldn't do it. I was exhausted of it and tired all the time.
Wondering how I think about my body at this moment? Great! I've never been this happy with how I look. I still go to the gym but just now and then, when I like to go. I still eat healthy but I love to enjoy some "bad' food as well and there's nothing wrong with it.
I found myself again, the girl I've always been before I started this adventure.
I'm still into modeling but I learned how to be happy with my body as a model.
The message I'd like to send into the world with this post is that there's a difference in being healthy skinny and over-the-top skinny. You don't have to see your bones to be beautiful. You can be skinny without seeing your bones! Be happy with the body you have and enjoy life. And yes, it's not bad to eat healthy all the time, it's really good actually! But don't forget to enjoy something sweet now and then. We all need it sometimes.
I prefer being skinny and muscled than being underweight and seeing your bones.
What do you prefer?